It might not be Office Space- but I do have the RED STAPLER- just in case

So just like every other office in America- you have those people who rant and rave- threaten to throw their computer out the window- jump out afterwards- b.c they just can’t take it anymore- well add a slight Portuguese spin on this and you have my office-

So at some point 90% of the people I work with drank some Optimism potion -and they are just always so happy- and then there’s me- NEGATIVE NANCY- PESSIMISTIC POLLY- thru and thru-

So it is refreshing to once again have a co-worker who shares my love of ranting and cursing at things

Here’s a quick list of the things said recently:

Someone calls her number by accident- looking for their parent’s missing items- followed by- her hanging up- and saying- what the hell do I look like LOST AND FOUND

I’d like to hit a few balls myself- just not the kind found on a tennis court-

I’m gonna rip his face off-

I swear it- I’m gonna slash your tires

Said to me -”….I was just going to say you look very good today…”  me:” BITE ME”- (I was sick- I did not look good)

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So I have lived in this state just over 3 months and in that time I have been sick over 3 times – to the point I even lost my voice and had the notorious man voice- I actually got sent home sick from work a few weeks ago because I was truly too sick to be there- but that didn’t stop me from trying- and when my boss said- finish what ever it is that you’re doing and GO HOME-  I said without hesitation- “Do you know how much energy it took me to get here today?”(followed by packing up the mobile pharmacy and going home)

So now fast forward two weeks to this past Sunday- I wake up and feel near death again- after further investigation I’ve decided I have an upper respiratory infection – and do not go into work on the Sunday- and when I do go in on Monday I still feel like HELL- so when the first thing out of someone’s mouth is their request for me to help them- it took all of my freaking self control not to scream- in said man voice- “I look like HELL, I feel like HELL, but yes I came to work today to answer your questions and make your life easier”- followed by popping some additional random pills- so I’m sedated enough to not yell at people while sick at work-

Another comment on being sick- NICE PEOPLE- and I don’t mean the people who are nice to you because you are sick- but rather people who are “Nice”- simple, weak minded, walk around with sunshine bursting from their freaking pores on a daily basis because nothing in life phases them- economic downturn, poverty, disease, major disaster- and these people still say-well at least ______________(insert optimistic phrase here)- those people should just turn and run  when I’m sick- I mean seriously if I so much as glance at a Kleenex- they should run- run and hide- I am not nice when I’m sick, I’m never patient, and if I feel like hell- I will make others miserable- whether I bring them to tears or not-

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On another subject- I think Phone Message Etiquette should be something you have to pass before you graduate 8th grade- and a refresher before high school graduation- b.c every day I lose a little more faith in humanity when I check my voice mail at work- State your name- what you  need- (I’ll deem if I think it is important) and then your number all slowly and clearly- when you state your name and call me at this #- I will hit delete without noting anything-

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I’m just trying to improve the world- maybe my legend will be noticed one voice mail at a time- or maybe my legend will be noticed when I’m on CNN one day speeding down a major expressway- pursued by the po-pos- after fleeing the scene-

Rants in the New Year



So where do I start- I haven’t kept my New Year resolutions-

In an effort to document my life in the state of Mass- I will try to update this blog a little more often-with the day-to-day whimsical comedy that is my office-

Things I hate:

1.) When I put food in the oven and forget to turn it on- 40 minutes later I go back- ready to eat- and guess what I’ve got slightly thawed food- you might think this happens every so often- and I guess it does not happen as much as when I put food in the oven and forget it altogether

like the time I put chicken in the oven and went to Ollies for a slushie- got text message from roommate saying- chicken?- and it did not dawn on me until I literally walked back in the apartment an hour later-(I cannot even count the number of times this happened- if you have lived with me- you understand- if not I don’t think you would believe the amount)

or the BEST was when I put chex mix in the oven at like 8:00 p.m. and went about other things- totally forgot about it- went to sleep- sat straight up from a deep sleep about 2:00 a.m.- and thought OH GOD- THE CHEX MIX- ran to the oven- to see how badly it had been burned- guess what- I forgot to turn the oven on in the first place-

and it is not just food that I do this with- Freshman year of college- you take your laundry down to the basement and put it in- run back up- read a few chapters- go down put in dryer- and return to room- read a few chapters- retrieve clothes form dryer- and put away- or if you’re me- you put them in the dryer on SUNDAY night and wake up TUESDAY morning to the thought I left my pants in the dryer- I never got those back-

I’ve even forgotten my about my car- like when I came back from Christmas break and parked it in front of the dorms to unload everything and after my last load- I just forgot to go back down and move it- 4 hours later when I decide to go check my mail- I see said SUV – in front of the dorms- and it takes me a moment to realize that I even forgot it there- and

PEOPLE WONDER WHY I NEVER WANT KIDS- you go to jail if you forget about your kids for days on end- I’m not cut out for life in Prison-

Have you ever been told something so much it becomes ingrained in who you are- family sayings or statements that just re-occur like you’re a natural at this or that- you’re so great with kids- you should be a teacher- have you ever thought about how they change over the years or how they have not changed at all

Top 5 Things Said to ME:

My List at the Age of 5:

You make a better door than a window-

I haven’t let you starve YET- have I….(answer to my plea of needing to be fed every hour)(usually followed by my answer there is always a first for everything)

I don’t know WHY- stop asking me WHY

I have no doubt you’re going to do it your way

Gina stop aggravating your sister (my family actually said this once- as she is holding me down beating me up)

My List at the Age of 23:

‘Knock ‘Knock-  (people coming in my door at the office)

Do you eat?

You’re going to ask me questions- and I know I won’t have any of the answers

I have no doubt you will be great at what ever you do in life- ( i.e. I know you’re going to do it your way no matter what I say)

Gina- have you talked to your sister-

2010 List- Year of the Tiger

1. Save MONEY- Pay Off Debt- Follow Budget????-ugh
2. Dunkin Donuts Raspberry Iced Tea will be consumed less-
2. Focus on deciding what to do in Graduate School
3. Retain more of the Spanish language
4. Visit the Basketball Hall of Fame- Springfield MA
5. Find good Mexican food in MA or RI
6. Find a Rich Husband in Newport RI- (memo to self: summer time best bet)
7. Keep Apartment Clean
8. Not be pale all Year
9. Run-
10. Not swear as much at work- (make boss think did not hire a sailor)

Thankful and then some

I have a lot to be thankful for this year- and generally I blog about my crazy events and rage- I plan to do that but also- I must say I am very thankful for all that I have and all the opportunities I have been given- especially in the last year alone

Now the norm- a week in review:

Friday- I had  my first true Gina moment in MA- and I turned on my lights manually when driving to work in the rain- got out of my car- ignored the dinging noise I’m sure my car makes- went into work- and when I left-  GUESS WHAT- dead car battery- I used to have a note in previous cars that reminded me of avoiding this very situation- nothing will change me

Monday I got my NEW TV- NEW TV- NEW TV

While waiting to get on the expressway in construction I noticed a delivery van parked at the Chamber of Commerce office- it was parked in between two handicap spots- on top of the lines that are meant to give them extra room- with the flashers on- and when I see this I instantly think- “there are more of us- you make me so proud sir”- I mean using your flashers to park at the Chamber of Commerce  now that is definitely a new standard to live up to-

Ever had that moment of utter frustration and you just react like a 5-year-old- maybe even a 3 year old- well I definitely did- I was frustrated with something at work and I crumpled up some paper someone had left for me on my desk- and threw it in my mail box- thinking “it goes in my mailbox- how hard is that” all the while also thinking that I’ll deal with it later and no one will know I just acted like I was 5- enter the person who left the piece of paper on my desk- followed by- “Do you know there’s a crumpled up piece of paper in your box?”- …….”Yes- that’s mine I’ll take that” oy vey I mean it played out like it was scripted

Another day on the job- and my boss says “…you look angry- are you angry”— followed by the response “he picked the wrong blonde to mess with today”– and yes these are things I say directly to by my boss- I need better filters

I’m pretty sure that Google- is causing me to become less smart- I think that every time I Google something- which is a lot- I know that I do not have to remember what I looked up because I can look it up again- and because of such I’m slowly retaining less and less- and not only that but every time I have doubts about misspelling a word I immediately Google it to ensure I am right- I love ya Google- but I think it might be time to cut back (I’ll never cut back)

I love CHIPTOLE- hands down it is one of my favorite places to eat- but living in MA- south coast- it is not readily available- which means that I have to either drive to Providence, RI or up to Boston- so every time I go I take this huge stack of napkins- I accidentally took too many the first time in Prov and now it’s becoming a tradition- because I keep taking large stacks of napkins and using them in my apartment- and when I run out its time for Chiptole again- and they have revamped the menu- you can now gets a kids plate- interesting stuff-

I have succumb to the Dunkin Donuts Nation that is the East Coast – Large Ice Tea sweetened – caffeine for the day just glad that its Dunkin- because a large is 32 oz of greatness for 2.02- and if I were at Starbucks that would definitely be a 5 dollar drink- if they even make 32 oz drinks at Sbucks-

Dunkin Donuts is killing the front end of my car because one of the many in town- is on steep slope and  every time I leave the front end of my car scraps the pavement- it sounds like the most awful noise in the world- stupid caffeine addiction

In Near Miss pedestrian News- I almost took a man out- with my car- this one was walking- in the dark- in dark clothing on a side street- he doesn’t know it but he was much closer to meeting his fate than the man on the bicycle- but he had his back to me- so I don’t think he is any the wiser- but really I’m pretty sure that if I hit a pedestrian that I will not in fact get Car Game Points- but instead get negative Karma Points-

Not only do I keep having these close encounters with pedestrians but I swear like a raging alcoholic every time I’m driving and I’m even slightly frustrated- I mean the explicit comments that come out of me might make some people cringe-and then there’s the times when my GPS decides to be crazy- I typed in Target the other day- it found Target and so I followed the Air Traffic Controller voice to my destination right- WRONG- I have to make a Right turn that curves back up the intersection to bring me up to the stop light so I can go straight across rather than installing a left turn signal and creating a turn lane- let’s not be rationale- and if that was not enough…I go straight- into a residential neighborhood- turn right- dark side street no signs or lights- another right and guess what I’m back to the main road- and I look to my Left- and Damn if there isn’t Target 1 block West of where I started- GPS was ready to go around the block again- for all the times I love it- sometimes I worry it may get me into trouble- i.e. the trip to the non-existent post office at night in the middle of residential fall river- not a place I think you should be lost in EVER-

 

Damn You Static Cling- I think I”ll have a Beer…”I’ll help you drink those”

I knew my day was doomed after being awake for 15 minutes- nothing better than being right….

I decided to wear the new dress I bought a few weeks ago- what I did not know but found out- was it has static cling issues- and thus issues with it bunching up- yada yada yada- damn you dress and your static cling problems-

I am responsible for processing the payroll for over 200 people- each week- and vacation and sick time are tracked manually- so lets just say that’s enough to make a full day of work- and an alcohol problem- but probably not a pill problem-

Patience is not my virtue…why well here’s few reasons: A- I hate being talked to like a 5 year old– B- I hate being right, explaining things, and still getting a blank stare…followed by No, what they mean is…– C- I hate being disorganized- I frazzle when you can’t just let me be organized-

I love office supplies- I have a growing hate of paper clips-

When I’m frazzled I just want to yell- put down the tic tacs and back away-

The man at the liquor store was quite helpful though– He helped me find a beer that was berry flavored- the man went in the back and found it- followed by me purchasing like oh 18 beers or so- which of course means the older gentleman who works at the store will always say- “I’ll help you drink those…”- if that man so much as made a reach for any of my alcohol he would have lost a hand and that would have only been the beginning of his problems-

Making friends in the neighborhood one liqour store at a time

Funny Quote From a Previous Physical Therapy Patients

“I should leave that to annoy you…” girl in the wheelchair

“Yeah, well see this crutch” response from her friend who walks with a crutch

“Honey, it’s a one way”- police car to follow

So when the weather is beautiful I generally go out and and wander around the area-

So Sunday I decided I would go out and explore the area near my work b.c really- it was an “Indian Summer” and I didn’t want to go into the office- so what should have been a quick little 5 -10 minture trip turned into quite the adventure- I ended up in the next town over- which is not hard- everything is very close down here- but when I drove past a billboard that said- “Ever had Leprosy?”- my adventure was done- I was no longer in the neighbor I wanted to be in- so I turned on Tom and thought back to work we go- Oh No- Tom decided to take me in a circle around the block- but in doing so definitely sent me down a one way street- the wrong way- at the other end- a man trying to turn down it says – out his window – “Honey….its a one way” I look in my mirror and damned if all the parked cars weren’t facing the other way-followed by me almost causing an accident in that intersection- followed by the local Police rolling through the intersection- just a good time all around-

All of you who know my love of the Pizza Hut Buffet- big news in MA- or at least at the one in the town I work in- they do the BUFFET for DINNER! NO JOKES- I think it is one of the greatest things ever- I know sad life I live!

I keep finding more damn floppy disks everywhere at work! Drives me crazy- dead technology!

One of the employees at my job today came into my office and was talking to someone about when he gets off work he is going to go home and check his Farm on FARMVILLE- mind you this man was like oh easily 40+….he told my other co-worker he got Facebook just to play that game- life much-

I really really miss eating Mexican Food and drinking Margaritas- so much that its going to get ugly soon if I don’t find good mexican food-like stab- stab- walk away- kidding- slightly

I am apostrophe challenged- I’m pretty sure I will be this way for the rest of my life-