“Don’t take this the wrong way….You have the most perfect- long legs”

So I was out at Panera picking up lunch for the office when this random stranger who works at Panera- walked up to me and said- ” Don’t take this the wrong way- You have the most perfect long legs”- I would have thought it was way creepy and cheesy from a random guy and way odd- from a woman- but strangely enough the woman who said this to me- was short and portly- and I think what she was really trying to say is-”You Bitch- I hate people like you” but hey that was maybe the best compliment I’ve ever received in my life and I’m taking it-

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So here are two funny quotes that I was reminded of recently- both said directly to me-

“But you hate most things in life anyways”- (TRUE)

“Well keep it to yourself or you will end on the street in ……” – maybe one of the funniest text messages I’ve ever received because I was complaining while drinking

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So I was watching Will and Grace and this quote just stuck with me-

WILL: What just happened? What– Underneath it all, you’re just a big old softie?

BEN: Underneath it all, I’d sell my grandmother down the river if it got me a continuance,but I have me.                  That’s why I need you.

I’m pretty sure this is why I have my job because my boss really has his heart in the right place. He is a nice guy and wants to help his employees be the best they can be, even if it takes lots of patience and extra hand holding. I on the other hand am too Type A to be patient with everyone needing to have their hand held to get through their day. Yet, this is why I always need to remember to hire people who are caring and have a heart- BALANCE. DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER : I would never sell Martha down the river for anything- but other people I might. (Martha would drain the river and make it rain on my world for days- she’s got that kind of power- just shortly after hitting me with a rolling pin or her car)

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So everyone has quirks- here are a few of mine:

I forget food in the oven all the time- but I cannot tear myself away from my food when it is in the microwave- years from now when they determine that the microwaves in kitchens have contributed to cancer- I will be the first person going to my doctor’s office because I stand with my nose two inches away from the microwave waiting- very impatiently for my food to finish- every time-

I also love the feeling of intense heat- like in the winter when you open an oven after you been baking something- and the hot air just flows out- I could stand there forever- and I love sitting over heating vents with a blanket- like a bag of popcorn trapping the heat in- that was a childhood favorite- or CAMPFIRES- oh I love campfires in the late fall- and lets not forget lil’ Miami my space heater that I am addicted to sitting in front of-

Now to stories from the work world-

So we have music entertainment almost daily- and at least twice a week at my job- for the residents- so the other day they were playing in main dining and I couldn’t take the torture anymore- and I said “someone should tell him that playing an instrument and speaking the words is not considered singing or music.” – to which I get a response from one of my optimistic coworkers saying “well some people are clapping and singing along”- to which I say-”THEY’RE MEDICATED- it’s not fair because I’m not medicated.”

So my boss needed a new tape dispenser because he gave his away to someone in the building that broke theirs so one day while I was out at Staples I was looking for something else- when I noticed the clearance items- and there was this Red High Heel Shoe Tape Dispenser- and yes now it rests proudly on my boss’s desk- and I chuckle every time I see it- and I still tell people about it and send them in to his office-Muah HA HA HA HA

My lovely co-worker was a bit stressed out the other day because everything was breaking and she has a small break down and states:” I’m about to stroke out and all they care about is if I cut their check for $85.00″-most checks she cuts are for much higher amounts

Later she’s trying to get something out of her top desk drawer and its stuck- so she is yanking and yanking- and swearing- then realizes she put a notepad in the drawer after lunch- and forgot- and now its caught and jammed – I swear I thought she was going to go head over heels trying to get the drawer open- and the whole time I’m laughing uncontrollably even though I know if she gets injured in this process I will have to fill out the paperwork for it.

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So in life people will always tell you- “it just takes patience…” ” you’ll learn patience in time”  or my favorite “…see – you are learning patience”- to all of this I say “Patience- are you kidding me- I have not learned an ounce of patience- but restraint on the other hand- I’m getting pretty good at that”—See difference below

pa·tience-1.the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.  2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner. 3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

re·straint 1 a : an act of restraining : the state of being restrained 2 : a control over the expression of one’s emotions or thoughts re·strain1 a : to prevent from doing, exhibiting, or expressing something  b : to limit, restrict, or keep under control

And finally while on the phone with my father the other day- I was talking about burying a dead dog (I’m not an animal person) and I said yeah “I’m not sure why anyone would travel all that way just for a dog- Now if it were a person that’s a different story- I can see why you would travel for a dead person”  to which he replies- “Oh good I’m glad you see the difference- that if it were a person it would be important enough”- I’m pretty sure at that point he thought he raised an Oger-

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~ by Mama G on March 5, 2010.