It might not be Office Space- but I do have the RED STAPLER- just in case
So just like every other office in America- you have those people who rant and rave- threaten to throw their computer out the window- jump out afterwards- b.c they just can’t take it anymore- well add a slight Portuguese spin on this and you have my office-
So at some point 90% of the people I work with drank some Optimism potion -and they are just always so happy- and then there’s me- NEGATIVE NANCY- PESSIMISTIC POLLY- thru and thru-
So it is refreshing to once again have a co-worker who shares my love of ranting and cursing at things
Here’s a quick list of the things said recently:
Someone calls her number by accident- looking for their parent’s missing items- followed by- her hanging up- and saying- what the hell do I look like LOST AND FOUND
I’d like to hit a few balls myself- just not the kind found on a tennis court-
I’m gonna rip his face off-
I swear it- I’m gonna slash your tires
Said to me -”….I was just going to say you look very good today…” me:” BITE ME”- (I was sick- I did not look good)
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So I have lived in this state just over 3 months and in that time I have been sick over 3 times – to the point I even lost my voice and had the notorious man voice- I actually got sent home sick from work a few weeks ago because I was truly too sick to be there- but that didn’t stop me from trying- and when my boss said- finish what ever it is that you’re doing and GO HOME- I said without hesitation- “Do you know how much energy it took me to get here today?”(followed by packing up the mobile pharmacy and going home)
So now fast forward two weeks to this past Sunday- I wake up and feel near death again- after further investigation I’ve decided I have an upper respiratory infection – and do not go into work on the Sunday- and when I do go in on Monday I still feel like HELL- so when the first thing out of someone’s mouth is their request for me to help them- it took all of my freaking self control not to scream- in said man voice- “I look like HELL, I feel like HELL, but yes I came to work today to answer your questions and make your life easier”- followed by popping some additional random pills- so I’m sedated enough to not yell at people while sick at work-
Another comment on being sick- NICE PEOPLE- and I don’t mean the people who are nice to you because you are sick- but rather people who are “Nice”- simple, weak minded, walk around with sunshine bursting from their freaking pores on a daily basis because nothing in life phases them- economic downturn, poverty, disease, major disaster- and these people still say-well at least ______________(insert optimistic phrase here)- those people should just turn and run when I’m sick- I mean seriously if I so much as glance at a Kleenex- they should run- run and hide- I am not nice when I’m sick, I’m never patient, and if I feel like hell- I will make others miserable- whether I bring them to tears or not-
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On another subject- I think Phone Message Etiquette should be something you have to pass before you graduate 8th grade- and a refresher before high school graduation- b.c every day I lose a little more faith in humanity when I check my voice mail at work- State your name- what you need- (I’ll deem if I think it is important) and then your number all slowly and clearly- when you state your name and call me at this #- I will hit delete without noting anything-
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I’m just trying to improve the world- maybe my legend will be noticed one voice mail at a time- or maybe my legend will be noticed when I’m on CNN one day speeding down a major expressway- pursued by the po-pos- after fleeing the scene-
