My Crazy Boss Convos- Forever referred to as MCB

So I should just start with the fact that my boss and I are very different people.

I’m more of a Type A-worrier- control freak- and he’s more of a Type B relaxed, we’ll deal with it when it comes up person. We share a few things in common but the main one is our need to consistently be eating- you’ll always find food when you find us in the same room.

So today I finished payroll which is part of my job(part that they pay me to do) and after I was in the hallway taking  a  second away from my desk, when I happen upon my boss (his office is conveniently right next door(oh so convenient expect to hide and avoid extra work) who is carrying a tub of files across the hall to a conference room.  His response “Oh Good- GiGi (a nickname they’ve all taken to calling me) you can help me with this.” So after a year and half of knowing this won’t end well for me- I follow him anyway. It seems he needed to audit some files and of course what better soul to pawn it off on than me.(it is at this point I wish I could be all Ninja like and back flip out of the conference room)(I did find a chance to get up and run when he turned his back- I needed to find snacks or it wasn’t going to work)

So as he is trying to figure out what he needs to audit-

I realize he’s going to give me the whole job- so I say “You’re not getting out of this that easy- I don’t even know what I’m looking for” MCB replies “You offered your help(insert my no I didn’t look) well you kind of did”  “No, I didn’t I was just walking in the hall” I reply. (It doesn’t matter at this point I’m already ankle deep in this project)

So after a few more minutes of him trying to figure out what he needs to make sure is in the files I say-

” I can’t help you with this I have a funeral to attend in half an hour” to which MCB says “Oh- sorry to hear that” and of course I have to open my big mouth and say “You know I don’t have a funeral to attend I don’t know anyone out here who died” and he his reply without hesitation”Yah, I know but I wasn’t going to call you out on a funeral- but apparently you have no problem using it as a lie (and proceeds to laugh).” It was at this point that I realized he had earned another point in our battle.

I guess I need to figure out better ways to avoid work- especially when MCB is involved.

2010 Was the Year of the Tiger- and it Kicked My Ass

Here is the list of my resolutions for 2010-

1. Save MONEY- Pay Off Debt- Follow Budget????-ugh Yep- not a chance in hell I’ll follow a budget without someone else making me- probably should find a husband to do this for me (financial planners don’t stand  a chance)
2. Dunkin Donuts Raspberry Iced Tea will be consumed less- I did drink less Raspberry Iced Tea- by Drinking DD XL Hot Tea
2. Focus on deciding what to do in Graduate School- I decided I most definitely need to go- and picked a location- does that count-
3. Retain more of the Spanish language- I cannot even pretend that I speak any more Spanish today than a year ago-
4. Visit the Basketball Hall of Fame- Springfield MA- I never made it back to Western Mass
5. Find good Mexican food in MA or RI- I did do this!!!!!
6. Find a Rich Husband in Newport RI- (memo to self: summer time best bet)- FAIL
7. Keep Apartment Clean- OMG FAIL
8. Not be pale all Year-TRIPLE CROWN OF FAIL
9. Run- I did run for four days on Memorial Day Weekend- Not Sure Why Either
10. Not swear as much at work- (make boss think did not hire a sailor)- I do swear less and instead I  just say comment, comment, comment, every time I want to swear or say something super sarcastic

I’m thinking my list for 2011 will need some revising! 2011 is the Year of the Rabbit- I don’t even know what to make of that. 2011 should be the Year of the Margarita- perhaps that will be on the list

“Don’t take this the wrong way….You have the most perfect- long legs”

So I was out at Panera picking up lunch for the office when this random stranger who works at Panera- walked up to me and said- ” Don’t take this the wrong way- You have the most perfect long legs”- I would have thought it was way creepy and cheesy from a random guy and way odd- from a woman- but strangely enough the woman who said this to me- was short and portly- and I think what she was really trying to say is-”You Bitch- I hate people like you” but hey that was maybe the best compliment I’ve ever received in my life and I’m taking it-

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I’m not religious but I sure do love Easter Candy-

So let’s start with the fact that I have 3 bags of candy in my desk drawer- Sour Patch jelly beans, SweetTart jelly beans, and SweetTart gummies- I love Easter- I love the candy- and my dentist will always love the bill- but that does not deter me from buying and eating way to much candy

So in the past week I have learned more about what it means to eat Kosher and how truly complicated it really can be- basically separate kitchens have to be maintained to ensure that food is prepared in a Kosher manner- and that doesn’t even cover the things that you cannot control- like how it was prepared and packaged- and from all of this I have learned and decided that as I age and have to depend on others to take care of me- I most definitely will demand all of my food be kosher- because that way I know they paid attention when they were making my food and I won’t have sloppy low-end food- HOORAH- for Kosher food

On a completely separate non-Kosher note- I love Buffalo Chicken Wraps- oh so much- I miss the wraps station in the Lincoln dorms- but on the upside there is the little Seafood Shanty right across from where I work that makes a pretty decent Buffalo Chicken Wrap-

Nor’easter def: Hella Lot Snow Mixed with Crazy Blond Driver

So I went to work today and treated it like any other day- well okay I made Margarita’s minus the tequila- decorated the CFO’s office like Jimmy Buffet Exploded and wore a floor length sundress to help celebrate- all the while it snowed outside

So it SNOWED- and then it SNOWED- and while I was working it SNOWED- so when I left work it was a bit of bitch to say the least- but the upside- my boss has this crazy cool thing that removes snow from cars- its like a swiffer that doesn’t swivel and…..I just Googled it- it’s called a Sno Brum- …..and HE had most of the snow cleaned off my car before I got out of the building-and of course the great thing for my boss’ peace of mind was that my camera battery died and I could not document my journey home in this snow storm-

So I drove home- at speeds varying but never exceeding 35 mph- good times- especially since a major traffic signal was out- – but when I went home there were about 12 people on the roads- if that- so that wasn’t a big deal to drive thru-

So I make it on the major expressway- and go 35 mph- and if you know me- you know I have zero patience for driving slow- so in an effort to DRIVE SAFELY- I tried very hard not to pass the cars in front of me- but some people just suck at driving and the snow doesn’t change that- it just slows everything down and gives me more time to notice- so I passed a few people-(okay I passed 7 people but 4 of them were in chain of slowskies)- on roads that are normally 3 lanes wide- and were barely driveable in one lane-BUT  it’s not like I was alone in these actions- and that is my defense- they did it first

WHILE driving home I definitely saw a very funny documentable moment- damn dead camera battery- the sign for the beach weather report station- covered in snow – and two noteworthy cars off the side of the road- I’m talking crazy greatness- and THEN

I look at the traffic on other side of the express way and think—- that car is driving the wrong way- that car is driving at traffic am I crazy- did I have a real margarita at work and forgot it–NOPE- the car was driving in the wrong direction- totally stopped did a 3 point turn in front of a bunch of on coming traffic- so I’m not sure what the hell happened if they spun out- and got turned around- but wow- I’m adding that to my life list

I made it home-

Today’s ScoreCard:

Gina:1   Nor’Easter: 2384957-

Just another day in the crazy commuter world of Mass-

My thoughts on my future hypothetical Family- and a list

I have found a good reason to have a family- One being the fact that I would actually have a reason to shop at the stores that sell in bulk -like Sam’s Club for the Midwest an BJ’s for the Easterners-

Now the downfalls to having a family:

Have you ever seen the stickers on the back a soccer mom’s SUV- the stick people sketch of each member of the family and any pets- like Dad goes to work so he has a tie- and mom is waving and smiling and Tommy likes hockey so he’s a hockey player and Sally likes ballet so she’s a ballet dancer- and of course the family dog skip has his own sketch- WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE INEVITABLY GET DIVORCED- do you scratch off some of the family but who goes with Dad and who goes with Mom- who gets the dog- WHO THOUGHT THOSE WERE  A GOOD IDEA-

I missed Ground Hog’s Day- and I’m Angry

Last Wednesday I was sitting at my desk reviewing something when I realized the day before was Ground Hog’s Day and I was really really angry- I’m not sure why- I never pay attention to the results- I think more so because I know the movie was on some channel and I didn’t get to watch it- BAH

A week of crazy comments in review:

FAVORITE:  I’m complaining about everything and I say-”the worst part about this building is when I want to dramatically throw myself out the window- we’re on the first floor- it won’t help…” to which the receptionist replies “you can’t even throw yourself in front of a car- they have to go so slow because of those damn speed bumps” so funny

Coworker:”Let him ask for it again….I’ll rip his heart out……….I hope he asks for it again”

Coworker: “My only hope at this point in my day is to get in a wreck on 195 but my luck the semi driver would swerve to miss me- roll the truck- meet his maker- have a wife and six kids left behind……..Nah not worth it- won’t help me at all”

Deep Thoughts with Coworker-”I’m going to have my fries- we’re all going to die….and when the paul bearers are carrying my casket I want them to know they’re carrying something”

We have a stamp that we use to sign all company checks- the company owner’s name happens to be Peter- you can just imagine the number of stupid comments we make daily about needing it, playing with it, yada yada yada- poor Peter- but seriously this man is no where near poor-

Random Coworker: “I have no motivation to work today”  Response From Other “I’m making my car payment” ah productivity at its best

I would just like to state in all honesty and sincerity that at the age of 23 I am no one’s idea of a role model-

Especially since my coworker got two injuries and I just sit there and laugh until I cry- I mean literally laugh so hard I could not even ask if she was okay- and the  worst part is-if she was hurt I would have to fill out paper work- lots of it- and I still think it’s so funny-

The Chef for my building came in my office the other day and said ” its good to see you smiling on Mondays….you’ve come a long way-”…..to which I answer “I drink more now”

I’ve taught everyone in my office my universal (oxymoron perhaps) sign language for stapler- its me flailing my hand around like a duck’s beak until I find my stapler- impressively people catch on very fast

So the other day I was on a conference call in the boss’ office and he tells the person on the other end- “some days I think she wants to stab me…but the good thing about Gina is that you always know when she wants to stab you- she’s  very direct… there’s no guess work”

You must also know that I have a very great boss- he takes all of my craziness in stride very well- when I have a sudden burst of oh my god I forgot to do something and walk away from him/ out of his office like the building is on fire with no explanation he continues on with his day- and when I get completely impatient on other days and leave in middle of conversation while he yells wait- stop- don’t lea…(I’m usually gone before he finishes his sentence) he knows I’ll be back when I find something with sugar or caffeine which oddly enough he thinks I should cut back on- why doesn’t he try taking in less oxygen and try to function- it just doesn’t work well-

Completely separate note- if I carried a tape recorder with me- my life would have a crazy soundtrack- because every motion, action, reaction I make is always a cracked out noise- and it might come with some choreography because I have some of the most random dances ever– for no reason– at the most random of times- we call these the Gina dances-

While driving home the other day I was thinking about my life as a retiree- so I’m thinking that I will retire at about 55-60 and from there I will take up driving as a chauffeur and I plan to drive until they take away my license- I’m thinking it will probably all end around the time I’m 85 years old in a low-speed chase on the expressway where I exit and turn into a driver’s ed parking lot and start weaving the limo through/over the parking cones and bail out at the last second when the car is going oh about 15 mph- JOKES on the government- at this point they have to send me away- and then they have to pay all my medical expenses for the rest of my days- and guess what if I make it to 85 I don’t plan to have many years after that- I’m going to set up a trust right now so that someone is paid off to bring me food while I’m in prison- I don’t think I’ll like the food-

Update in Forgotten Food News- the cookies I was baking for Jimmy Buffett Wednesday at work- totally forgot about- and with my cheetah like reactions made it to the oven in time to take out Dom style cookies- woops- and she no longer lives close enough to eat my messed up cookies- sad day-

It might not be Office Space- but I do have the RED STAPLER- just in case

So just like every other office in America- you have those people who rant and rave- threaten to throw their computer out the window- jump out afterwards- b.c they just can’t take it anymore- well add a slight Portuguese spin on this and you have my office-

So at some point 90% of the people I work with drank some Optimism potion -and they are just always so happy- and then there’s me- NEGATIVE NANCY- PESSIMISTIC POLLY- thru and thru-

So it is refreshing to once again have a co-worker who shares my love of ranting and cursing at things

Here’s a quick list of the things said recently:

Someone calls her number by accident- looking for their parent’s missing items- followed by- her hanging up- and saying- what the hell do I look like LOST AND FOUND

I’d like to hit a few balls myself- just not the kind found on a tennis court-

I’m gonna rip his face off-

I swear it- I’m gonna slash your tires

Said to me -”….I was just going to say you look very good today…”  me:” BITE ME”- (I was sick- I did not look good)

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So I have lived in this state just over 3 months and in that time I have been sick over 3 times – to the point I even lost my voice and had the notorious man voice- I actually got sent home sick from work a few weeks ago because I was truly too sick to be there- but that didn’t stop me from trying- and when my boss said- finish what ever it is that you’re doing and GO HOME-  I said without hesitation- “Do you know how much energy it took me to get here today?”(followed by packing up the mobile pharmacy and going home)

So now fast forward two weeks to this past Sunday- I wake up and feel near death again- after further investigation I’ve decided I have an upper respiratory infection – and do not go into work on the Sunday- and when I do go in on Monday I still feel like HELL- so when the first thing out of someone’s mouth is their request for me to help them- it took all of my freaking self control not to scream- in said man voice- “I look like HELL, I feel like HELL, but yes I came to work today to answer your questions and make your life easier”- followed by popping some additional random pills- so I’m sedated enough to not yell at people while sick at work-

Another comment on being sick- NICE PEOPLE- and I don’t mean the people who are nice to you because you are sick- but rather people who are “Nice”- simple, weak minded, walk around with sunshine bursting from their freaking pores on a daily basis because nothing in life phases them- economic downturn, poverty, disease, major disaster- and these people still say-well at least ______________(insert optimistic phrase here)- those people should just turn and run  when I’m sick- I mean seriously if I so much as glance at a Kleenex- they should run- run and hide- I am not nice when I’m sick, I’m never patient, and if I feel like hell- I will make others miserable- whether I bring them to tears or not-

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On another subject- I think Phone Message Etiquette should be something you have to pass before you graduate 8th grade- and a refresher before high school graduation- b.c every day I lose a little more faith in humanity when I check my voice mail at work- State your name- what you  need- (I’ll deem if I think it is important) and then your number all slowly and clearly- when you state your name and call me at this #- I will hit delete without noting anything-

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I’m just trying to improve the world- maybe my legend will be noticed one voice mail at a time- or maybe my legend will be noticed when I’m on CNN one day speeding down a major expressway- pursued by the po-pos- after fleeing the scene-

Rants in the New Year



So where do I start- I haven’t kept my New Year resolutions-

In an effort to document my life in the state of Mass- I will try to update this blog a little more often-with the day-to-day whimsical comedy that is my office-

Things I hate:

1.) When I put food in the oven and forget to turn it on- 40 minutes later I go back- ready to eat- and guess what I’ve got slightly thawed food- you might think this happens every so often- and I guess it does not happen as much as when I put food in the oven and forget it altogether

like the time I put chicken in the oven and went to Ollies for a slushie- got text message from roommate saying- chicken?- and it did not dawn on me until I literally walked back in the apartment an hour later-(I cannot even count the number of times this happened- if you have lived with me- you understand- if not I don’t think you would believe the amount)

or the BEST was when I put chex mix in the oven at like 8:00 p.m. and went about other things- totally forgot about it- went to sleep- sat straight up from a deep sleep about 2:00 a.m.- and thought OH GOD- THE CHEX MIX- ran to the oven- to see how badly it had been burned- guess what- I forgot to turn the oven on in the first place-

and it is not just food that I do this with- Freshman year of college- you take your laundry down to the basement and put it in- run back up- read a few chapters- go down put in dryer- and return to room- read a few chapters- retrieve clothes form dryer- and put away- or if you’re me- you put them in the dryer on SUNDAY night and wake up TUESDAY morning to the thought I left my pants in the dryer- I never got those back-

I’ve even forgotten my about my car- like when I came back from Christmas break and parked it in front of the dorms to unload everything and after my last load- I just forgot to go back down and move it- 4 hours later when I decide to go check my mail- I see said SUV – in front of the dorms- and it takes me a moment to realize that I even forgot it there- and

PEOPLE WONDER WHY I NEVER WANT KIDS- you go to jail if you forget about your kids for days on end- I’m not cut out for life in Prison-

Have you ever been told something so much it becomes ingrained in who you are- family sayings or statements that just re-occur like you’re a natural at this or that- you’re so great with kids- you should be a teacher- have you ever thought about how they change over the years or how they have not changed at all

Top 5 Things Said to ME:

My List at the Age of 5:

You make a better door than a window-

I haven’t let you starve YET- have I….(answer to my plea of needing to be fed every hour)(usually followed by my answer there is always a first for everything)

I don’t know WHY- stop asking me WHY

I have no doubt you’re going to do it your way

Gina stop aggravating your sister (my family actually said this once- as she is holding me down beating me up)

My List at the Age of 23:

‘Knock ‘Knock-  (people coming in my door at the office)

Do you eat?

You’re going to ask me questions- and I know I won’t have any of the answers

I have no doubt you will be great at what ever you do in life- ( i.e. I know you’re going to do it your way no matter what I say)

Gina- have you talked to your sister-

2010 List- Year of the Tiger

1. Save MONEY- Pay Off Debt- Follow Budget????-ugh
2. Dunkin Donuts Raspberry Iced Tea will be consumed less-
2. Focus on deciding what to do in Graduate School
3. Retain more of the Spanish language
4. Visit the Basketball Hall of Fame- Springfield MA
5. Find good Mexican food in MA or RI
6. Find a Rich Husband in Newport RI- (memo to self: summer time best bet)
7. Keep Apartment Clean
8. Not be pale all Year
9. Run-
10. Not swear as much at work- (make boss think did not hire a sailor)